Gottman MethodÂ
You may care deeply about one another and still find that conversations quickly become defensive, critical, distant or difficult to finish.
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The Gottman Method offers practical ways of understanding conflict while also paying attention to friendship, trust, affection and the everyday connection in your relationship.
In-person couples therapy in Toronto and Thornhill • Virtual couples therapy across Ontario
What Is the Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a research-informed approach to couples therapy that looks at both the difficulties a couple is experiencing and the strengths already present in the relationship.
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We may look at how conversations begin, what happens when emotions become intense, how each of you responds during conflict and whether attempts to reconnect are being noticed.
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The goal is not to eliminate disagreement. It is to understand what makes disagreements difficult and develop ways of navigating them differently.
Conflict Is Not Automatically a Sign Something Is Wrong
Couples can disagree and still have a strong relationship. What matters is how conflict is handled and how you find your way back to one another afterwards.
When Might the Gottman Method Be Helpful?
Difficult Conversation Starts
Concerns may come out as criticism, blame, or frustration before the conversation has a chance to go differently.
Criticism & Defensiveness
One partner raises a concern while the other feels blamed, explains, or protects themselves.
Shutting Down During Conflict
Conversations become overwhelming and one person disengages, goes quiet, or needs to step away.
Repair Attempts Get Missed
Apologies, humour, reassurance, or attempts to soften the conversation may go unnoticed or not land as intended.
Problems Feel Unresolved
The same topics return because conversations end without either person feeling understood or able to move forward.
Everyday Connection Has Faded
Appreciation, affection, shared time, and small moments of connection have become less frequent.
Starting Conversations Differently
Finding ways to raise concerns without immediately moving into blame or defensiveness.
Repairing Difficult Moments
Noticing attempts to soften, pause, apologize, reconnect or change direction.
What Can Gottman Method Couples Therapy Look Like?
Gottman research also describes criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling as patterns that can make conflict more difficult. If these patterns are showing up, we can identify them and practise different ways of responding.
Listening & Feeling Understood
Helping each partner explain their perspective while making room for the other person’s experience.
Strengthening Everyday Connection
Paying attention to friendship, appreciation, affection and shared time outside of conflict.
Your Relationship Is More Than Conflict
Couples therapy does not have to focus only on what is going wrong.
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We may also look at what brought you together, what you appreciate about one another, what helps you feel close and what you would like more of in your relationship.
Gottman and EFT Can Work Together
Gottman-informed strategies can be useful when we are working more directly on communication, conflict, repair, friendship or trust. EFT can help when it is useful to slow down the emotional pattern between you and understand what is happening underneath it.
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I may draw from both depending on what your relationship needs.
Gottman Method FAQs
Wondering Whether the Gottman Method Might Be Helpful for Your Relationship?
READY WHEN YOU ARE
If you are considering couples therapy, you are welcome to book a free 15-minute consultation and ask any questions you have.
In-person couples therapy in Toronto and Thornhill • Virtual couples therapy across Ontario